Back to Band Jokes

¤ Why are band directors' hearts coveted for transplants? Because they've had little use.

¤ How do you make a trumpet sound beautiful? Sell it and buy a trombone.

¤ How do you make a trombone sound like a horn? Stick your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

¤ How do you get 2 piccolos to play in tune? You shoot one of them.

¤ What's the ideal weight of a band director? 28 ounces, including the urn.

¤ How can you tell if a bassoon is out of tune? It is being played.

¤ Why do people take an instant dislike to horn players? It saves time.

¤ Why is a bassoon considered to be better than an oboe? It burns longer.

¤ What is a burning oboe good for? Setting a bassoon on fire.

¤ Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bassoon recital.

¤ What is the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet? To store the ashes after the rest of the instrument is burned.

¤ What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? Nobody cries when a clarinet is chopped into pieces.

¤ What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted.

¤ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.

Back to Band Jokes

What do trumpet players use for birth control?

    Their personalities!

What's a gentleman?

    Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?

    The bonds will eventually mature and earn money.

What did Johnny's mother say when he told her he wanted to grow up and be a trumpet player?

    "But Johnny, you can't do both."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get away from the trumpet players.

Now, some sax jokes.....

How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

    Five. One to change the light bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?

    1. Lawnmowers sound better in small ensembles. 2. The neighbors get upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.

Trombone jokes.....

  (these aren't that funny though)

How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

What's the difference between a dead trombonist lying in the road and a dead squirrel lying in the road?

    The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.

How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?

    He doesn't know how to use the slide and he can't swing.

How does a trombonist keep track of his gigs?

    With a year-at-a-glance calendar!

Drummer jokes.....

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

    "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like, dark in here, man?"

Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?

    It took two hours to get the drummer out.

How do you confuse a drummer?

    Put a sheet of music in front of him!

Clarinet jokes...

How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

    No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.

Here are some flute and piccolo jokes...

How to you get two piccolos to play in unison?

    Shoot one.

What's the range of a piccolo?

    About twenty yards on a good day.